Sunday, June 2, 2013

IT'S DONE!

So I started this whole writing journey after my New Years resolution...
And let me tell you something....
THANK THE GODDESS IT'S ALL OVER!!!
Over for the first book, of course.
Get to start the entire process over again O.O
 
 When I first started this whole experience, I was like

(I would totally do that if I wouldn't harm myself O.O)
 

Then it started getting tricky.  The writing was going GREAT! But I wasn't feeling it.  I started out writing in third person, although I had WANTED to write it in first.  But, being the sometimes idiot that I am, I listened to everyone saying how hard first person was and how nobody liked read in first person.  So, I caved.
 
BIG MISTAKE.
I ended up doing this a lot!
 

 
Seriously, I think my desk is permanently dented.
It's not that the writing itself was hard.  Third person was relatively easy to do, but I just wasn't HAPPY with it.  I ended up hating it.  Luckily for me, I have an awesome Beta team, and while they still liked the story, everything that they pointed out that needed work was what, in fact, I had planned from the beginning.
They kicked me in the balls, and I thank them for that.
 
 
So, I HAD to re-write.
I couldn't very well let anyone read that load of garbage when I KNEW there was so much more that I could do with it to make it how I originally planned it.
 
*insert more head desking*
 
 
So, there I was, revising THE WHOLE BOOK!
Now, some of you may be all like
"Pfft, that's not so hard."
WRONG!
Please keep in mind that I have FOUR CHILDREN!
So while normally when someone goes to work they go AWAY from their kids. I, and those that are special just like me, STAY HOME with the children and try to work.
Not only was I trying to keep a happy kid schedule but also trying to work within the deadline to get the book finished, edited and formatted on time.
How did I end up doing it? (You might ask)
Easy!
 
 
Seriously, I only got about two hours of sleep at night O.O
No, I currently do not resemble anything even remotely pretty.  BUT the children are still alive AND the book is FINALLY FINISHED!!!
 
I am so done with this process.
I honestly thought, in the beginning, that writing was the hard part.
Now, I embrace the writing and am happy to get back to it with book two and all the other ones I'm working on.
But that excitement will soon fade as we get into the dreaded
EDITING!
In which case, my editor will happily look like this:
 

 
And I will proceed to look like this:
 
 

 
So, as I close the cover on one book, I open the other and embrace all the emotions that come with it ^.^
Some of them I'll embrace happily, others, not so much.
 
I spent the past twenty-six years believing that I was worthless.  The hardest part, for me, about all of this was breaking free of all that negativity.
One of my most memorable nights was when I had five pages left of the revision to do.  I was freaking out.  I mean, literally freaking out so bad that my speech impediment came back and I couldn't talk without stuttering.
I was sitting outside with Jeremy, and all I could say was
 

 
Anytime I tried to talk about why  I was so nervous, fearful, I'd start freezing up.
It wasn't because I was almost done with it.  That didn't scare me in the least.
It was the fact that, once I finished and destroyed every one's prior thoughts and ideals about me,
then who would I be?
 
I've lived my life being known as Dave's worthless daughter, David's sister (yes, both my father and brother are named David), Susan's daughter that's going to turn out just like Susan did (which I haven't, thankfully).  Never was I known for who I was. But rather who everyone expected me to be.
 
Now, I don't have that. And as I was sitting there, thinking over everything and freaking out, I realized that I would lose the only thing I've ever known if I continued.
If I finished, who would I be then?
 
I still don't know who I am, but the more I write and the more I work, I'm slowly starting to figure that out.
The author doesn't make the book.  The book makes the author.
 
 
I'm feeling rather numb to it all right now.  I still can't wrap my brain around the thought that not only did I break away from twenty-six years of drudgery, BUT I have also accomplished one of my dreams and people actually LIKE IT!
 
I'm in awe over that fact and extremely humbled by it.
I don't think I'll ever get used to hearing that someone liked/loved my work, and I doubt that I'll ever actually BELIEVE them (yes, I have that much self doubt and think all of you are liars trying to placate me).
But, regardless of whether or not I get used to it or whether or not people love/hate my books,
the fact remains that I am FREE now.
And I embrace that freedom whole heartedly.  The writing beast has been unleashed, so be forewarned and prepare thyself for some massive publishing to come!
 
Thank you to everyone who has stuck by my side through all the madness.
Yes, I know I got really really REALLY panicky and demanded coffee before being suitable to grace society with my presence, but it was all worth it.
You guys are awesome, you rock my socks, and all my glitter goes to you! *throws glitter*