Saturday, August 16, 2014

A Little Tough Love From the Confetti Queen

Dear Authors:

Ya'll know me, and if you don't

I'm pissed. Why? Because I'm sick and tired of hearing that what I do is a hobby. That irritates me to no end. What I'm also pissed about is other authors, authors that I admire and look up too, who are QUITTING because they're tired of the fight. They're tired of trying so damn hard and feeling like they're not getting anywhere. They're tired of being bullied by the pathetic people who hide behind a computer. They're tired of being pirated. They're tired of being told by everyone in their 'real' life that it's just a hobby, that writing isn't an actual job. Well I'm here to tell ya'll something:


Too harsh? Well, here's the thing. 
In this business, you won't be respected. Until, or even IF, you reach the ranks of someone like Colleen Hoover or Jamie McGuire, you're going to be looked down on. Hell, THEY even get shit for being an author, and look where they're at!

In this business, you're going to be bullied. There will be times where people are going to tear you and/or your book(s) a new one. They'll rip it apart, slam it into the dirt, then set it on fire. And do you know what you have to do?
You have to GET THE F* back up, brush that shit off, and move on.
Why? Because that's how you move forward. 

It sucks.
If anything, the one thing that I've learned in this life is that it f*ing sucks. It's stressful. Some days, you'll want to quit. Hell, I'm a huge inspiration to other authors and to readers because of the hell that I've been through in my life and am STILL currently going through, they look up to me even though I want to quit. 

Yes, you heard that right. 
EVERY. DAY. I want to quit. 
I want to throw in the towel and just focus on a regular job and struggle to make ends me that way.
I get so tired of the fight. SO tired of having to suck it up and move forward. 
I ask myself: Why isn't it any easier? Why don't the people who are closest to me, believe in me? Why, why, why, why, why???

For f*cks sake, with my manic depression, sometimes it's all I can do during the day NOT to just end this life. To give in and give up because the darkness in my mind whispers that things will never get better. That this LIFE, this giant bowl of SUCK is just going to keep getting worse and I'll be stuck in this giant void of eternal darkness and pain.

But you know what? 
I don't give in.
I don't give up. 
I may sit there and be completely unmotivated, hating myself because I need to DO something, anything to keep moving forward. 
I've broken down, cried my eyes out, held a knife in my hand for TWO HOURS and FOUGHT with myself, restraining myself so I WOULDN'T QUIT.

Then, I find out that one of my friends and fellow authors who is a constant support to me, someone who is ALWAYS telling me things will get better and that it just takes time, that you have to say 'F* IT and F* YOU' to all the nay-sayers who tell me every freaking day that what I do isn't a job and that I'll never get there, is going to quit. 

She wants to quit. 
She wants to give up, get a 'real' job, and keep going in the life of SUCK without doing something that she loves ALL BECAUSE her family keeps telling her that she can't do it. 
That it's a 'hobby' and that she'll never make it. 
The sad thing? She makes a HELL of a lot more on her royalties that I do. She has a bigger following, and is SO CLOSE to a break through that I can almost taste it!

So, I'm fucking pissed.
Here's what I want to say to each and every one of you.
Your life WON'T get better until YOU take the steps necessary in order to make it so. 
This giant bowl of SUCK will keep throwing shit balls at you, trying to drag you down, to make you quit.
More often than not, your own FAMILY, the ones that are supposed to love and support you no matter what won't believe in you. They won't believe in your dream, have smiled when you told them you wrote a book or want to become an author and thought to themselves, "eh, let the kid have his/her dream. They'll quit soon enough. After all, no one can make it.".

But you know what?
That's right, a giant dose of flipping the bird to ANYONE who has ever doubted you or made you doubt yourself.

Writing isn't a hobby. It's a passion. It's a dream.
With writing, you have the ability to change someones life. You can transport someone who's in one of their darkest days into a world that you created, having them experience something magical and obtain something that is very hard to find.
You have the ability to give them HOPE.

Why would you let someone take that away from you?
WHY would you let someone, who more than likely didn't have the balls to follow their own dreams because they were crushed by societies thoughts of success, take away something that isn't just something you do, it's who you are.
Authors are not just people that sit there and type until TADA! it's a book!
They research, plot, CREATE life where none existed, and they put their hearts and souls into it.
Because it's a part of WHO WE ARE. 

WE ARE those characters.
Their fears, their dreams, their emotions in the darkest times when there's no ray of hope left. That's ours. 
The happy endings, or in my case the HOPE for a happy ending?
Those are ours too. 

To give into someone who tells you no, who belittles what you do, is like letting them look into your soul, and tell it that it's never enough. That it will never be enough.
WHY would you let someone kill that part of you like that?

So here's some tough love for you, and anyone else out there that's having a shitty day and is letting others or their own minds doubt themselves.
Suck it up.
NOTHING worth having in this life is ever easy. You have to feel the pain, feel the doubts, and somehow manage to find a way to push yourself forward. To keep going and keep the momentum up.
No one can do it for you. We can be there as a support, to tell you that yes, we've been there too, and we know what it's like, but at the end of the day, the change has to start with you.

YOU have to decide that you won't believe anyone who tells you you can't.
But most importantly, YOU have to decide that you ARE enough. You have to BELIEVE IN YOURSELF, because I believe in all of you.
Your words are your voice.
Don't let anyone silence you.

With love, Always.